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| At any moment now,
i feel like my brain will combust at any second
and not just any explosion, but a legit all out kaboom of different colors, noises, and brightness
so much has been happening
and i can barely keep it all together
How many entries have i written about Change?
How many times will i have to argue with the ONE factor that is completely beyond my control?
Its late, or early.
its 4:55am and i just got home from a kick-back.
My brain is SO jumbled right now, i feel like i should filter it before i sleep,
so hold on tight folks,
here i go:
1. Youre fucked up. you handled it WRONG. Have the courtesy to talk about a decision thats going to affect others. You cant think about yourself when youve got others involved. We're in college now, stop being so damn selfish. As if your own happiness succeeds everyone elses? Thats something you need to work on. Hurting those who are close to me, what is your deal? I thought you changed. I dont even know how to be your friend anymore.
2. Get over him. Move on. He's a douche anyways.
3. I'm sorry if i make you feel like you have to compete with me. Its not like that. I havnt found a best friend connection in a long time, i need one right now. I'm sorry to intrude or even seem like im intending on stealing the spotlight. there is no way that i am trying to do that. I'll back off if need be.
4. You are the epitome of a great friend. we've been through A WHOLE DAMN LOT and i know i can talk to you about everything. i can tell youve changed since the last time we've spoken. youve grown a lot and i really hope that you continue to. i hope i do too, and really, thank you for being there and being understanding and not taking this strange college phase as a reason to turn away from me.
5. I dont know anymore. Your lack of interest and response just hurts. the fact that youre far away just hurts. The fact that you need to allocate time for me and then totally ditch it when another thing trumps it. WHY make the time in the first place? youre only hurting my feelings and making me feel unimportant.
i need to feel important to atleast ONE person. shouldnt it be you?
6. Youre an Ass. I really am wondering why she likes you. like, seriously.
7. Do not move too fast, you will regrett it.
homies i'm out.
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| sometimes its better to be alone for a bit
there's nothing wrong with a little self reflection when the world overwhelms you
the sun coming up over the grassy hill is just like the cherry on top of the ice cream
feeling complete peace as you search the sky for cloud formations,
i am feeling solid.
Solid with who i am and how i came out.
i love it.
i love me.
i love you (:
holy crap today is gunna be FUN.
the calm before the storm..
here i flippin GO... | | |
| i should stop the trend of updating my entries in the morning
but its noon now, and it still feels like morning.
i feel like my stomach has begun eating itself.
is it wierd to say that i like brushing my teeth?
i never miss it.
its like giving my mouth a massage
sometimes i try to be bad ass and not brush them,
but i always end up getting up to do it because i cant resist.
you know there's an ant invasion when you find one crawling on your arm
or your room mate finds one crawling across her glasses lens.
hahahah
i bet people wonder why i keep this xanga up.
that xanga's reign ended when people decided that wRiTinG lyKe DiS just wasnt cool
, but i continue to pull for it.
it is the only thing that has remained consistent throughout my adolescence
i like knowing that i can write whatever i want
and probably no one i know reads it
but there are strangers who have
and that my life has somehow been recorded and documented for the world
and if i ever forget, i'll always have xanga to go back to.
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| i have wayyy too much on my mind.
i woke up at 8:40am.
WTF is wrong with me.
Spicy curry and noodles.
yum.
i'm supposed to be keeping a food diary, but ive been too lazy.
I need water.
but its not cold, i hate socal water. it has this wierd aftertaste,
you can call me a hater, but the aftertaste will still be there.
you cant deny it.
Crazy late night adventures have kept me occupied and content with life
i love that adrenaline rush you get,
not a junkie though, seriously.
But as i interviewed i realized that my WHOLE life is seriously like one big movie.
Things happen to me that are SO exciting and cliche that its almost impossible.
I always thought instances like these occurred to everyone,
that just others never took notice or cared enough to write them down
that the bigger picture was too large to focus on and day passed after day
I am beginning to think otherwise however.
I am beginning to think that my life is actually interesting.
Last Tuesday night- The Meteor Shower.
bless my soul if i was going to miss that!
my enemy: Light pollution.
PartnerInCrime/Roomie and i decided to sneak into the arc field for the best view
as seconds of hesitation turned to minutes
we finally hopped it.
remind you that we dont usually break rules.
the second we stepped onto the cement,
we were bad ass.
no questions asked.
after maybe 20 steps and 3 minutes however, it came.
the police lights flashed orange and blue,
the car pulled over by the side of the road.
we tried to blend in with the grass.
snapping our bodies into the floor.
it was a funny site because it was such a fail.
So, we ran for it.
To the gate, we leaned up against and whispered our strategy plan
how did they know?
did they see us?
Will they notice us here?
What will happen?
What should we do?
but our answer came in the form of a sound.
a low quiet hissing noise.
"Oh shit, we gotta go NOW"
and just as i processed her words it began.
As we ran the sprinklers came on and we headed back to the gate
climbed and fell only to run again back to the wall in which we initially came.
a cop had pulled over a speeding car.
i have never felt so exhilarated in my life.
Wednesday Night- Study time
i am a study fail.
and as the power outage came upon us it seemed like a necessary move
ive fallen so behind in my chapters
lost in the case briefs and numerous biology terms that try to strangle me as i fall under the surface
it was time to fight back
get back in control.
to gateway from 9:30-3am.
and i still lost the battle
susan busted me out in a quiet study hall
she made such a scene!
yelling at me for not studying and then slamming my computer closed.
how moody that girl is!
i hate her!
hahaha
friday night -
1-2-3
mike gave me a lemonade.
i was angry
i yelled at fok a LOT.
hehehe sorry man, but you spilled on my nudies
homes,
rolling around on the floor of the hallway with PIC.
hit the hay,
pretty hard.
i am going to get a butt whoopin if i dont study my ass off for the remainder of the week.
fjdoaisjfosjdsjasoijsfoij
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| ...assuming that the bird is operating at its usual speed.
i am tired.
tired tired tired.
it is 8:53 am and I studied at gateway till 3.
there is also a power outage.
the power outage was suppposed to end at 6am.
it is 8:53. Still no power.
no bathroom light, no microwave.
no fridge or stove or oven.
no phone charger or internet.
i am very bitter right now.
a stranger talked to me on the shuttle, he was a nice guy.
samson hella played me the other day cuz he gave me soulja boy's number
and i actually saved it into my phone.
me and my partner committed our first crime on tuesday night.
the meteor shower was amazing.
i hate waiting for stuff to happen, im more of a "lets just do it ourselves" kinda person
i am rambling,
my brain is stalling too much for me to think of some ellaborate new sentence scheme.
crap.
im tired.
the end, good day.
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